


The Avengers + Co. are clowns

by Yourlocalgremlin



Series: im sorry, my dear [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Amputee Peter Parker, Angst, Aromantic Asexual Natasha Romanov, Artist Steve Rogers, Bisexual Tony Stark, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Clint Barton & Natasha Romanov Friendship, Crack, Deaf Clint Barton, Gen, Genderfluid Character, Genderfluid Loki (Marvel), Genderfluid Peter Parker, LGBTQ Themes, Loki & Peter Parker Friendship, M/M, Pepper Potts Is a Good Bro, Peter Parker Calls Tony Stark "Dad", Peter is a Little Shit, Self-Insert, Tony Stark is a tired dad, Tony Stark/Stephen Strange Parenting Peter Parker | Supremefamily | Strange Family, Trans Clint Barton, Wade Wilson Breaking the Fourth Wall, author is self projecting onto peter, he knows, i seriously did not mean to add plot and angst, lmao none of them are straight tho :DD, loki quill calls stephen 'papa' and its v cute, mm g a y, straight crack, tags shall be updated as i see fit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-29
Updated: 2021-01-01
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:35:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 21
Words: 12,707
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27093640
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yourlocalgremlin/pseuds/Yourlocalgremlin
Summary: mothman @pbjtony stank is a human disaster: a thread
Relationships: Bruce Banner & Tony Stark, Clint Barton & Natasha Romanov, James "Bucky" Barnes & Peter Parker, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, Loki & Peter Parker, Peter Parker & Tony Stark, Peter Parker/Flash Thompson, Tony Stark/Stephen Strange
Series: im sorry, my dear [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2093523
Comments: 43
Kudos: 191





	1. this chapter went places and none of them were good

**Author's Note:**

> I rarely see genderfluid/non-binary peter fics so i project and those make me feel something other than dread :D. also, this turned into a self insert, rip. also bones crunchy

mothman @pbj

tony stank is a human disaster: a thread

mothman @pbj

one time he walked into a room, forgot what he was doing, and walked into a door frame

mothman @pbj

he was running on two hours of sleep once and accidentally burnt the shit out of his fingers

mothman @pbj

he also fell off the counter when steve caught him singing songs from musicals

therefor, toby starch is a human disaster

> Ironman @youknowwhoiam

KID WHAT THE FUCK

>> *panicks in gay* @whomst've

lmao w h a t

>>> a literal cryptid @yourlocalgremlin

t o b y s t a r c h

>>>> Blank Window @mmstabby

ah, so that explains that thud.

>>>>> Col. James Rhodes @iron-patriot

this thread is a fucking nightmare

* * *

mothman @pbj

ITS A MENTAL BREAKDOWN

> tony stank @youknowwhoiam

Kid? Are you okay??

>> mothman @pbj

lmao in this economy?

>>> toby starch @youfoolsthoughtiwasjoking

first, mood

second, #irondad ??

>>>> Col. James Rhodes @Iron-patriot

#irondad

>>>>> tony stank @youknowwhoiam

b e t r a y a l

mm shiny @moonmoon

this just in: toby starch gets absolutely destroyed by peter

>> gotta go fast @sonic

no way penis actually has an internship @pbj how many dicks did you suck to get tfjsjjsbeuybdv

>>> led needs @GITC

a warning

>>>> abe is nOT LINCOLN @haha-monkey

mj fucking murdered him and sent this as a warning

>>>>> led needs @GITC

absolutely correct

* * *

spooder-man @sssPIDER

i have a new pocket :D

> birb man @ventrat

spidey??

>> spooder-man @sssPIDER

tis but a flesh wound

>>> tony stank @youknowwhoiam

FFS KID STAY THERE

l'egg @thighhighcrocs

tony steak being a dad to spidey-

> birb man @ventrat

t o n y s t e a k

>> fuck @icantcomeupw/names

so we just gonna ignore the fact that spidey has gotten s t a b b e d?

>>> spooder-man @sssPIDER

this is actually p normal for me (:

>>>> fuck @icantcomeupw/names

'this is actually p normal for me' w HAT THE FUCKDJS

* * *

Green Bean @bruceb

bucky literally just walked in and said 'mcdinner is mcready'??

> mothman @pbj

he is asserting dominance

>> a literal cryptid @yourlocalgremlin

:0 a fellow cryptid

>>> mothman @pbj

:00

>>>> bonky @jbb

and here we see two idiots interacting

* * *

The Daily Bugle @jjj

Spider-Man spotted with what appears to be another vigilante: [link]

* * *

mm shiny @moonmoon

y'all hear abt that new hero named Puzzle?

>> gotta go fast @sonic

i hear shes a shapeshifter and could apparently become the new loki?? tht could be v bad

>>> spooder-man @sssPIDER

ruDE puzzle is actually v sweet although they look like they could commit murder

>>>> gotta go fast @sonic

:0 spidey! 

>>>>>Puzzle @becrimesdogay

flattered that yall think im loki and @sssPIDER i will attack you >:(

>>>>>>spooder-man @sssPIDER

do it coward

* * *

Tony Stank @youknowwhoiam

@sssPIDER when the fuck were you gonna tell me about loki 2.0?

> spooder-man @sssPIDER

sorry mr stark :(

>> Tony Stank @youknowwhoiam

I want to meet this 'Puzzle'

>>> spooder-man

yessir

* * *

(oh look actual writing)

Peter swung to the meeting spot, legitimately nervous about Mr. Stark meeting Loki Quill. Or Puzzle as they were quick to remind Peter. He spotted the osprey with white swirls on its wing and he grinned.

"Hey, Lq!"

"Call me that again Parker and I will not hesitate to shove a knife up your ass." They grumbled as they were shifting back into their human form. He grinned at Quill, spotting a red and gold-clad figure. Quill burrowed deeper into their many hoodies. Mr. Stark eventually landed on the roof, quickly stepping out of the suit. Peter quickly stepped back, noting the carefully calm expression he usually wore when he was ~~mc~~ pissed.

"So, 'Puzzle', who are you, and why is a 10-year-old threatening Spider-Man?"

He sighed and dropped his face into his hand. Peter saw Quill hunch their shoulders, and he quickly stepped in.

"Mr. Stark, they-" He cut himself off and glanced towards the shape-shifter and mouthed 'can I tell him?'. They shook their head, almost imperceptibly.

"Puzzle has a secret identity, Mr. Stark. And they weren't threatening me, that's how they show affection!"

The older man opened his mouth in shock and then promptly closed it. Mr. Stark sighed, looking up at the sky, and then Quill decided to interject before Mr. Stark could go in his 'please sTOP' rants.

"And for the record, I am 14 and I am the one who can turn into a 280-pound lion, not you."

Mr. Stark looked... proud? Peter didn't know what the emotion on his mentor's face was, but it sure as hell wasn't anger. Then Mr. Stark grinned and stepped back into his suit. They both looked on in confusion as to the billionare activated his repulsor boots. Then he gestured for them to follow. Peter slipped his mask back on and heard the crunching of bones as they compressed into something suitable for a bird.

* * *

Tony Stank @youknowwhoiam

I have met Puzzle? and they're so short??

> Puzzle @becrimedogays

all the better to break something :D

>> mm shiny @moonmoon

how short are you??

>>> Puzzle @becrimedogays

5'5 :'D

>>>> spooder-man @sssPIDER

s m o l :DD

>>>>> Puzzle @becrimedogays

i will s t a b you >:(

>>>>>> incorrect abengers @aaaaAAA

???

> spooder-man @sssPIDER

dw, its how they show affection!! by saying vaugley threatening things!! :D

>> incorrect abengers @aaaaAAA

wh?? vaugley threating things???

>>> Puzzle @becrimedogays

yeye

* * *

Blank Window @mmstabby

Was walking around and there's a fucking ten year old sitting on the couch @youknowwhoiam explain

> a literal cryptid @yourlocalgremlin

ffs im 14 not 10 >:( 

>> Tony Stank @youknowwhoiam

shit

>>> mothman @pbj

f in the chat for tony stank

>>>> a literal cryptid @yourlocalgremlin

f

*long chain of f bc im fucking lazy*

* * *

bonky @jbb

THERE ARE TWO CHILDREN RUNNING AROUND AND THEY BOTH ARE IN THE VENTSHFBHNSJKL

> mothman @pbj

hehehe

>> a literal cryptid @yourlocalgremlin

bonky fucking died

* * *

a literal cryptid @yourlocalgremlin

THOR JUST ARRIVED AND LOKI WENT SOMEWHERE AND THOR SAID 'Loki?' AND MY DUMBASS WASN'T PAYING ATTENTION AND I WENT 'Yeah?' AND NOW I WANT TO MCFUCKING TOSS MY SELF INTO THE S U N

>> aBE IS NOT LINCOLN @hehe-monkey

this was fucking wild

>>> bonky @jbb

wait, so your name is loki???

>>>> a literal cryptid @yourlocalgremlin

ye, and for the record, my dumbass forgot loki existed for a few months ;/

>>>>> mothman @pbj 

:00

>>>>>> a literal cryptid @yourlocalgremlin

don't you fuckin dare-

>>>>>>> mothman @pbj

>:D

>>>>>>>> loki, but better @acryptid

peter i will fucking kill you istg

* * *

Stark Industries @SI

@acryptid is a new intern. Yes they are a minor so do not harass them. Quill managed to catch Tony's eye with something they designed and got the internship.

> gotta go fast @sonic

so we just gonna ignore the fact that she is using plural pronouns?

>> spooder-man @sssPIDER

hey! can you not misgender them! but glad to know you know what pronouns are!

>>> mm shiny @moonmoon

respect their pronouns you heathen >:( @sonic

>>>> loki, but better @acryptid

jskashbfsd thanks ig?? @moonmoon 

> mm shiny @moonmoon

i- there is no need to thank me?? for being a decent human being???


	2. where literally everyone is willing to protect their dumbasses and murder steve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> loki, but better @acryptid  
> i crave d e a t h
> 
> > guac @pbj  
> same

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ik its not pride month but,, i wanted to do this. and btw, if you out someone without their permission, you are offically human trash :) ESPECIALLY if you out them to their parents and you know they wont be supportive, and no forcing people to come out

The Daily Bugle @jjj

Local "Heros" are outed as 'gender fluid', what does this mean for New York?

> Spidey really said Trans Rights @heaten

who tf outed spidey and puzzle? i just wanna talk

>> Tony Stark @youknowwhoiam

I know exactly who outed them. And he's going to pay.

>>> DP @ww  
#irondad coming to rescue and like the author said, outing people is not okay

>>>> Blank Window @mmstabby

author??

>>>>> Cap'n Crunch @SteveRogers

Deadpool, are you on crack??

* * *

Puzzle @becrimedogays

mmm the emotional shock of someone outing you and spidey to the entire world :'')

> Linda May @heritage

Your just confused, 'gender fluid' isnt a thing, along with 'non-binary'. Transgender is just a mental illness

>> Bonky @jbb

can you kindly stfu, no one asked for ur ratty ass opinion

>>> Puzzle @becrimedogays

jsdjfsd thanks bucket :'D

>>>> spooder-man @sssPIDER

thanks :DD

* * *

Tony Stark @youknowwhoiam

@SteveRogers We Will Be Having Words.

> Cap'n Crunch @SteveRogers

What did I do??

>> Tony Stark @youknowwhoiam

You know exactly What You Did.

* * *

spooder-man @sssPIDER

can yall blease stop sliding into my dms-

* * *

loki, but better @acryptid

i crave ✨d e a t h✨

> guac @pbj

mood

>> Tony Stark @youknowwhoiam

therapy, both of you

>>> loki, but better @acryptid

f i n e

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is shorter than i wanted it to be, but my motivation has curled up and died ;w;


	3. ah, this is the angst :'D

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> gauc @pbj  
> W H O T H E F U C K A T E M Y F O O D

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have zero ideas where this chapter went

Puzzle @becrimedogays

Spidey is dumbass-

> give me ur cat @nofuckoff

w-what did they do??

>> Puzzle @becrimedogays

their dumbass decided to the thing in assassins creed, and they were successful. and then ran into a brickwall lmao

>>> gotta go fast @sonic

are they alright???

>>>> Puzzle @becrimedogays

ye, theyre just bruised

* * *

guac @pbj 

W H O T H E F U C K A T E M Y F O O D

> birb man @hawkeeye

oh no

>> Tony Stark @youknowwhoiam

Time to hide then

* * *

guac @pbj

alright, since people wont fess up, time to expose their disaster asses

> guac @pbj

one time steeb screamed like a small child after i fell out of a vent. thats the tweet

>> guac @pbj

thor is a simple man! but he still hasn't figured out how to work a toaster

> On Your Left @wiilson

someone fess up-

>> gauc @pbj

no can do birb man 2

>>> gauc @pbj

sam plays i believe i can fly whenever he's in his wingsuit

> anD PEGGY @ham

i cant bREATHE THE AVENGERS ARE ACTUALLY DISASTERS

>>>> guac @pbj

clint once dressed up as gru but in the princess costume. it wasn't halloween

>>>>> guac @pbj

quill fell down, and then lied there for a few minutes

> loki, but better @acryptid

it was nat-

>> guac @pbj

thanks!

>>> amole @shur-E

someone is gon die-

* * *

loki, but better @acryptid

hh i just saw my ex family members anD I THINK THEY SAW ME FUCK

> hhng thor stronk @beans

ex family members??

>> loki, but better @acryptid

i came out to them and they started yelling at me, so i disowned them-

* * *

spidey-lad @sssPIDER

i forgot puzzle bones break whenever they shift, so it scared the fucking shit out of me-

> Tony Stark @youknowwhoiam

I'm sorry, WHAT?? @becrimedogays e x p l a i n

>> Puzzle @becrimedogays

hehe bones crunchy

> amole @shur-E

:0 c a n i s e e t h e c r u n c h y b o n e s

>> Puzzle @becrimedogays

y e s 

> furry @t'challa

Oh No

* * *

Puzzle @becrimedogays

Deadpool just died?? and spidey was like 'give him an hour'?? and then an hour later, he lives?? w h a t t h e h e l l

> spidey-lad @sssPIDER

dw, he dies all the time!!

>> Puzzle @becrimedogays

w h a t

* * *

Iron Dad @stank

who the fuck-

> Spider Mom @mmstabby

Don't act like your not crying.

>> Spider Mom @mmstabby

fuck they got me

>>> Stoven Rags @SteveRogers

Why-

>>>> Spooky uncle @jbb

fuck yeah

>>>>> Birb man 2: electric boogaloo @wiilson

shit

>>>>>> Science Uncle @greenbean

oh No

> problem child @acryptid

haha

>> problem child @acryptid

Whom the fuck

>>> problem child no. 2 @pbj

FRIDAY NO

> FRIDAY @FRIDAY

Friday Yes

>> Iron Dad @stank

kid, what Did You Do?

>>> problem child no.2 @pbj

i may have said Karen was better than Friday, and quill agreed, so Friday changed ur users to our contact names-

y e e t @stonks

so we just gonna ignore the fact that these two rando kids know the avengers?

> hhng thor stronk @beans

yes

* * *

loki, but better @acryptid

live tweeting pey playing Horizon Zero Dawn bc i feel like it. no i wont give spoilers bc i am not a terrible person

> loki, but better @acryptid

Peyton: habsjds the watchers are smol and cute :D are they friendly

Peyton, five minutes later: fuck they are not friendly abort abort

>> loki, but better @acryptid

Peyton, after they run through the proving: something Bad is Going To Happen

Me, knowing whats going to happen: yes

>>> loki, but better @acryptid

Peyton, after the Bad Thing Happens: hhh why must you leave

Me, a terrible person: iTS THE CIRCLE OF LIFEE

* * *

Pey @pbj

Im going to make a watcher and name it Stove

> loki, but better @acryptid

pEYTON NO

>> Pey @pbj

peyton yes

>>> BLM @emjay

Peyton No.

>>>> Pey @pbj

too late :D

> Pey @pbj

I have made Stove :D

[its a watcher, cuddled up next to Peyton]

>> Iron Dad @stank

ffs kid-

* * *

Blank Window @mmstabby

@pbj I suspect that you are the one that keeps on moving my furniture slightly to the left.

> Guac @pbj

shitshitshitshitshit

>> loki, but better @acryptid

you bettre fucking run dear sibling

> Blank Window @mmstabby

I'm also on to you

>> loki, but better @acryptid

well then

> Guac @pbj

haha bitch


	4. disaster gays, disaster gays, do whatever disaster gays do

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pey @pbj  
> MR STARK JUST RAN INTO A DOOR LMAOOO

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i- i have an empty shelf on my book shelf and im planning on using it to keep bugs :D

spider-lad @sssPIDER

someone just handed me 20 bucks and asked me to commit sneaky murder i-

> l'egg @thighhighcrocs

w h a t

>> Birb man @theimposter

bitch tf, who would kill for 20 bucks-

>>> spider-lad @sssPIDER

clint no-

>>>> Birb man @theimposter

clint yes

> loki, but better @acryptid

s n e a k y m u r d e r

>> spider-lad @sssPIDER

shut the hell your mouth

* * *

Tony Stark @TStark

Spidey just climbed into the vents now i have NO idea where they are-

> spider-lad @sssPIDER

:)

>> Puzzle @becrimedogays

:)

> Col. Rhodes @iron-patriot

you better hide tonesjfsodpa

>> spider-lad @sssPIDER

hehehehe

* * *

Pey @pbj

MR STARK JUST RAN INTO A DOOR LMAOOO

> spidey says trans rights @E

LMAO WHAT BLEASE GIVE DETAILS

>> loki, but better @acryptid

THATS WHAT THAT THUD WAS???

>>> Tony Stark @TStark

If both of you @ him, there will be Consequences

Pey @pbj

aight so @E you know how Mr Stark can be a dumb gay right? w e l l, the person he likes took off their shirt when he was going back to his lab, and he just,,,did the window shut down noise,,and ran into said door-

> spidey says trans rights @E

thamk you for this knowledge-

* * *

Thaddeus Ross @Secretaryross

Inhumans are a threat to humanity, they cause destruction and kill innocent people willingly. They need to be put down! [Daily Bugle Link]

>spider-lad @sssPIDER

ok boomer

**Open Thread?**

hhng thor stronk @beans

ok boomer

gotta go fast @sonic

ok boomer

mm shiny @moonmoon

ok boomer

spidey says trans rights @E

ok boomer

l'egg @thighhighcrocs

ok boomer

aaaa @hehe-monkey

ok boomer

Bonky @jbb

ok boomer

**80k Replies**

>> Puzzle @becrimedogays

i have become a ✨t h r e a t✨ :D

* * *

Scary Lady @emjay

@Secretaryross Do you understand what you are implicating? The extermination of innocent people. And some inhumans are CHILDREN. What about Spider-Man and Puzzle? Oh wait, by your standards they are 'threats'. So kindly sit down, and let people live how they choose.

> DP @wwilsooon

the author says good job, and they also say ross can suck a dick :D

* * *

loki, but better @acryptid

y'all, i have met loki :D do not fuck with me because i the power of god and anime on my side-

> aaaaaa @thonkyman

you mean,, the same loki that tried to take over NY?

>> Pey @pbj

Loki was mind controlled and had no actions over himself >:( 

> ssneaky sssnek @Low-Key

why does the other loki have,, so many books-

* * *

loki, but better @acryptid

i want,,,a shelf,,full of bugs-

> Tony Stark @TStark

w-why would you want a shelf full of bugs??

>> loki, but better @acryptid

bc,, they smol

Birb man @theimposter

#irondad

**40k People have retweeted this**

* * *

Tony Stark @TStark

asdsbfjsdjlksdjkf w h y must the person i like be so dumb-

> henking honk @y-to-honk

m o o d

>> loki, but better @acryptid

what if i just,, @sorcsupreme

>>> Pey @pbj

@sorcsupreme gotta blAST

>>>> Tony Stark @TStark

I am grounding both of you.

* * *

Tony dropped his phone on his table and put his head in his hands. Why must Quill and Peyton be so chaotic? He groaned and got up, wincing at the sound of his joints cracking like rice krispies. He didn't hear his phone going off, or the sound of a portal opening in his workshop until a voice said,

"Stark, why have your children contacted me and then you don't respond."

"Because Quill and Peyton are menaces-" He turned around, and came face-to-face with Strange. He squeaked and felt his face flush. God dammit, he did not squeak. Tony looked at the wizard, hoping to whatever god is out there that his face was not beet red. Strange smirked and, god dammit, he k n o w s. Hoping to recover _some_ of his dignity, he asked,

"So, why are you here Strange?"

"I have... a confession," He bit out, looking wildly uncomfortable.

"What, to confess your undying love for me?" Tony asked, bearing a shit eating grin.

"Yes actually."

"O-oh."

The silence was stifling. They both kinda looked at each other, and then away. Tony then not-so subtly scooched closer to Strange, and Stephen (when did he become Stephen?) did the same and gave Tony a weird half hug. Tony, however, had other plans. Reaching up, he gave Stephen kiss. The wizard froze, and Tony wanted to hit himself. Why did he do that? Stephen then slightly bent down and kissed Tony. It wasn't dirty, but more of an innocent one. He tasted like spices and something else Tony couldn't place. (Was it magic?). Tony pulled back slightly and said,

"Strange if this is your way of asking me out, I would've said yes."

His new.. boyfriend? chuckled and kissed Tony again. 

A thump sounded off from above them, and someone in the vents said,

"FUCKING FINALLY!"

Stephen looked in the general direction of the vents and asked,

"Does this happen often?"

"Yup." He popped the 'p', and sat down on his table, and grinned at Stephen when he sighed and joined him on the table. He felt.. not exactly happy, but content.

* * *

loki, but better @acryptid

Y'ALL THEY DID IT. @SteveRogers I FUCKING TOLD YOU SO

> Stinky Stove Man @SteveRogers

They're dating now?

>> Pey @pbj

yes, now you all owe us 20 bucks :)

>>> Blank Window @mmstabby

FUCKING CALLED IT

> l'egg @thighhighcrocs

whos dating? and why does captain america owe y'all 20 bucks-

>> Birb man @theimposter

two of our teammates were pinging after each for fucking a g e s and we started a bet about who was going to ask the other out first :D

>>> Bonky @jbb

like, if their pining was a forest, it a would be a pine forest-

* * *

Puzzle @becrimedogays

a woman just handed me a baby possum and said 'dw it was captive bred, have fun!' n walked off-

> hhng thor stronk @beans

i- w h a t

>> Puzzle @becrimedogays

ig im a parent now. their name is churro and if anything happened to them i will commit murder

>>> Birb man @theimposter

give me churro-

>>>> Puzzle @becrimedogays

no fuck off

* * *

Tony Stark @TStark

@becrimedogays why are you holding a baby possum?

> Strange Man @sorcsupreme

They just turned into a possum and is now hissing at people-

>> Tony Stark @TStark

ffs-

>>> Bonky @jbb

let churro stay stark #letchurrostay

* * *

Puzzle @becrimedogays

This is churro :D

> Thor @god-of-thunder

AH! A MIGHTY NAME FOR A POSSUM.

>> No. 1 Science Bro @bruceb

thor, your caps are on

* * *

Pey @pbj

Avengers among us :D 

highlights 

-Nat and Bucky are really good impostors so they won like five rounds

-loki and quill are terrifyingly good impostors and they managed to convince everyone that i was the impostor,r u d e

-Dr. Strange is also a really good impostor, but he refused to kill me or quill

-mr stark hacked the game and stole everyones mini me's

-Mr wilson sucks ass at being an impostor. 

-loki killed quill, quill got up, hijacked my mic and said 'bitch what about loki solidarity'

-loki was an impostor

-clint killed everyone and then vented somewhere else-

-mr stark forgot to turn off his mic and said 'its murder time :D'

-stoven rags killed nat in the lobby and thought he could commit mass murder 

-why are so many people good at being imposters???

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y a l l i was grinning the e n t i r e time while i was writing the whole ironstrange scene.
> 
> also, the avengers totally had bets when stephen was going to ask tony out. 
> 
> a l s o i am working on letting the chapters not end so abruptly


	5. y'know that chapter that said 'ah this is the angst :'D'? well i lied

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 12% @pepperandsalt  
> @TStark you dumbass
> 
> \-----
> 
> "Break a leg am I right?" Peyton said, their voice tight with pain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alright so, most of this chapter is going to be actual writing, but i cannot write action scenes to save my life ;-;. aand i have to change to fics rating after this aaaaa. alright so i based green goblins design off the one from into the spiderverse bc its a really cool one, so yeet ig.
> 
> Steve finally uses the correct pronouns :D

Blank Window @mmstabby

Peyton just ran into the living room, spotted me and said 'help' and then quill appeared and apparently peyton stole quills sketchbook

> Gauc @pbj

I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS A SKETCH BOOK??

>> loki, but better @acryptid

HOW?? YOU OPENED IT AND SAW THE PICTURES THAT LOOKED LIKE DRAWINGS AND YOU CONTINUED??? BITCH TF

> henky honk @y-to-honk

this is peak chaotic sibling energy

>> Spooky Uncle @jbb

they're idiots i love them

* * *

Puzzle @becrimedogays

dysphoria is bitch and im craving die but Churro needs me 

> Spidey says trans rights @E

Churro?? mood but please don't die D:

>> Puzzle @becrimedogays

my possum son! i'll try not to!!

>>> Tony Stark @TStark

they adopted churro and wouldn't let me find him a proper home-

>>>> Strange Man @sorcsupreme

Don't lie, you love Churro.

> Spidey says trans rights @E

you have a sacred duty then @becrimedogays

>> eoeeoeoeoe @uwu

stop being dramatic bitch

>>> Spidey says trans rights @E

no

* * *

Wizard Dad @sorcsupreme

Wh-

> loki, but better @acryptid

you needed a better name >:(

>> Tony Stark @TStark

soft

>>> Guac @pbj

>:D

>>>> Iron Dad @TStark

Oh No

* * *

Buzzfeed @buzzfeed

Tony Stark: Husband and father! [Evidence that Tony Stark is married and has children! No. 5 may surprise you!] 

> Iron Dad @TStark

I smell a lawsuit coming.

* * *

12 @pepperandsalt

@TStark Tony you dumbass

> Iron Dad @TStark

I am aware of the fact that I am A Dumbass

>> Wizard Dad @sorcsupreme

You have been running on 52 hours without sleep, please go to sleep

>>> Iron Dad @TStark

only for you

* * *

Guac @pbj 

:D

> amole @shur-ee

:D

>> Guac @pbj

:D

>>> Guac @pbj

:D

>>>> amole @shur-ee

:D

* * *

Puzzle @becrimedogays

he/him pronouns today!!

* * *

Quill landed on the roof of a building and quickly shifted back into his human form, wincing when he heard and _felt_ his bones snap and rearrange themselves. Seconds later, Peyton landed next to him. They sat down and invited Quill to join them. Quill rolled his eyes at his older sibling but complied anyways.

They both sat in a comfortable silence, broken by the ever busy New York. Suddenly, a bone-chilling screech rang through the warm air. Quill flinched violently, and so did Peyton. Getting up with irritated groans, they put on their masks, and Peyton flung them self off the building and started swinging in its direction. Quill pulled an assassins creed and jumped off the building as well, but shifting into a sea eagle at the last moment.

He quickly caught up with Peyton, and reached their destination. The owner of said screech was a green thing with _fucking wings_. He hesitated before landing on the utterly destroyed pavement, and quickly shifted back. Doing the One Thing that would definitely get him killed, he yelled to the thing,

"Hey, fucker!"

The creature turned to Quill, and he immediately regretted his decision because holy fuck, why does it look like that? It's face was a forest green and had a singular horn on the back of its head. It had pointed ears and a wide mouth, with crooked teeth.

Peyton landed a few feet away from Quill, and started flinging webs at the ugly fucker. A call came through and Quill accepted it. Tony's caller ID flashed in his interface.

"Loki two, why the fresh fuck are you fighting Green Goblin without any backup?"

"I'm not fighting the goblin man without any backup! Peytons with me!" Quill ducked as the 'Green Goblin' swung at him, and he shifted into a bird of prey and started clawing at the goblins eyes.

Green Goblin, as it proved, was quite agile and almost knocked him out of the sky. He glided down to ground and realized Tony was saying something.

"-ucks sake, stay there and don't get killed." Then the call disconnected, and Karen, Peytons AI linked their comms to each other.

"Quill! How are you holding up?"

"I almost got knocked out of the sky by this fucker, but other than that, I'm good. How about you?"

"Mood. Oh shit, ma'm please move this area isn't safe."

He rolled his eyes, and went back to finding the goblins weakness. He distantly heard the repulse boots and he grinned. Somehow, he ended up next to Peyton.

"I'll kill both of you slowly." Goblin snarled, lunging towards the pair.

The both of them, being dumbasses said simultaneously, "Bold of you to assume I have a will to live."

They dived different ways, and for a split second they got out unscathed. Until their second pseudo-father portalled to where they were. Goblin turned his ugly mug towards Stephen, and switched to a different tactic. With wings unfurling from his back, Green Goblin lunged towards Peyton. Quill, in turn lunged towards Goblin.

Time slowed down for a split-second, and then it unfroze. With a horrible _crunch_ , Peytons thigh was almost severed. The rest of the avengers landed, and most of them started fighting the goblin, while Quill rushed towards Peyton. Quill reached his sibling, and almost gagged at the sight of exposed bone and blood.

"Well, break a leg am I right?" Peyton said, their voice tight with pain.

"Peyton you fucking dumbass-" His voice broke, and his throat felt tight and he couldn't breath. For a second, he was back on the streets and seeing his street friend Cynthia bleed out on the pavement. Quill shook himself back to reality and now was aware of the many cuts riddling his body and a gentle hand shaking his shoulder. To his surprise, Captain America was next to them.

"I got it from here son."

At a different time, Quill might've hugged Steve for _finally_ using his correct pronouns, but he was focused on Peyton, and y'know, making sure they don't die. Quill sat down on curb, willing tears not to fall. _It's your fault you fucking freak maybe if you had moved and not sat there like a dumbass they wouldn't have gotten hurt its yourfaultyourfaultyourfault-_ He was shaken out his self-deprecating thoughts by Tony sitting down next to him.

He didn't look at Tony in fear that he was going to start yelling, or worse, a deadly calm. Quill flinched when Tony pulled him close and he broke down crying. In a pitiful attempt to staunch the tears, he started gripping at his arm, ignoring the bright flare of pain from a still bleeding cut. He felt a hand remove his other hand from his arm.

"Look at me kid. No really, look at me." Tony's face plate was up, and he turned a still masked face towards his father-figure. Quill tried to speak, but all that came out was a small, "I'm sorry." And then quiet from the teen.

"What do you have to be sorry for?"

Quill pulled out his phone and typed, ' **my fau lt, i forze an i coudlnt get peyton in time** '. He heard Tony sigh and then draped an arm over his shoulders. Quill leaned into the touch, physically and emotionally exhausted.

He spotted Natasha signing something to Clint, and zoned out. Quill could vaguely feel himself get up and follow Steve and Peyton.

\-----

Quill had never like hospitals. They made him think of horror movies and nightmares. The med-bay in the tower felt like it could go on forever, and on a good day, he could be found poking around the equipment and chatting with Dr. Cho and Bruce Banner. But today wasn't a good day. He pulled his two hoodies closer to his body, feeling a sudden draft.

He briefly debated about pulling out his phone, but then decided against it because he didn't want to see pictures of the fight against Green Goblin, and god forbid, Peyton getting their leg ripped off. Quill saw Stephen Strange come out of the room Peyton was in and make a bee-line towards the boy.

He knew that he looked like shit and still had cuts all over him. Stephen sat down next to Quill, and leaned his head back, perfectly content to sit in silence. For a while nothing broke the silence except for the muffled noises from the room.

"How're you doing Quill?"

Quill shrugged, and leaned against his fa-Stephen. He froze for a second before putting a shaking hand around his shoulders. Then in a very quiet voice, he said the first thing in hours:

"Papa?" He wasn't even aware they said it, exhaustion making them lose focus and making them more open.

"Yeah kid?" Stephen said in a voice that was uncharacteristically soft.

"Please don' go."

"I won't."

\----

Hours later, Tony stopped by and froze at the sight of his boyfriend and kid sleeping. A soft smile wound its way up his face before he went into Peytons' room, and saw his other kid sleeping. Dr. Cho walked over to him from where she was working on something.

"They'll be alright Mr. Stark."

He sighed in relief, despite the fact that his kid was now minus a leg. Tony walked out of the room and saw that Stephen and Quill were still sleeping. Quietly crossing over to them, he quickly pulled out his phone and snapped a photo before shaking Stephen awake.

"Hmm?" His voice was hoarse with sleep, and Tony felt himself fall a little further.

"Pey's going to be alright, Steph."

"Thank the Vishanti." He said, glancing down towards Quill with a fond look. Tony rolled his eyes but went to join them on the couch that Tony had dragged into the hallway at some point. Leaning against his boyfriend he pulled out his phone and started scrolling on Twitter, and soon got a text message from Stephen. Looking confused he opened it.

* * *

Wizard <3: Quill called me papa what do I do-

Tony: Accept it coward

Wizard <3: No

Tony: If you don't I'm gonna send the cloak after you ;)

Wizard <3: What does this mean??

Tony: You know what it means

Wizard <3: I-

Tony: N e way there have been multiple times where Pey has called me dad

Wizard <3: Cute

Tony: There was this one time when I met them and I was getting the door for them and they hugged me

Wizard <3: Soft

* * *

Tony fell asleep soon after that exchange, his head on Stephens shoulder. And FRIDAY, the darling AI she was, dimmed the lights and let them sleep for as long as they needed. Meanwhile on Twitter-

* * *

l'egg @thighhighcrocs

holy shit did yall see that fight with green goblin??

> midtown reporter?? @bbrant

yeah I hope spidey is okay

>> l'egg @thighhighcrocs

yeh same

>>> gotta go fast @sonic

that fight looked foocking brutal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hhhng im not sorry (actually yes i am my heart hurt holy fuck)
> 
> also, sorry for any ooc stephen and tony, i am t i r e d


	6. stressed depressed lemon zest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gauc @pbj  
> @acryptid i t i s t i m e

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wont be uploading this weekend because im not allowed on my computer on weekends >:( but i will t r y to have another chapter out by wednesday at the latest.
> 
> on another note, i have gotten used to typing l'egg, so now whenever im not paying attention i end up typing legg lmaoo

The first thing Peyton registered was the smell. They knew this smell, quite well. With a groan Peyton opened their eyes, although everything was blurry. They could vaguely see the shapes of doctors flitting around. Focusing their hearing, they realized that Mr. Stark was next to them, and asleep. As far as they knew, he was there all night.

Everything came into focus, and they were now aware of the throbbing in their leg. Reaching to pull the blanket off, they didn't realize Mr. Stark was awake.

"Hey you, you're finally awake."

Peyton snorted at the Skyrim quote, turning their head to face Mr. Stark.

"Hey." Their voice was raspy with misuse. Their mentor shook his head fondly and went out of the room. A moment later, Mr. Stark came back in with Quill, who looked like they were run through a garbage disposal.

"Peyton Roe Parker if you do that again I swear to god-" Quill's rant was cut off by Mr. Stark gently hitting them on the head. They winced, and crossed over to Peytons bed. 

"He/Him pronouns again, by the way."

Peyton grinned at his brother, and then reached to tug the blanket off his legs. Quill reached to stop them, but was stopped by Peyton, who was looking at the remnants of his right leg. He hesitated before doing the thing where he doesn't know what to do with his hands. Peyton hesitated for a moment before saying,

"I guess I did break a leg."

Quill sighed, his features twisting into annoyance. Mr. Stark rolled his eyes fondly and backed out of the room.

* * *

Guac @pbj

where the fresh fuck did my leg go??

> spidey says trans rights @E

w h a t

>> amole @shur-EE

peyton???

>>> Guac @pbj

leggy went yeet ig

> loki, but better @acryptid

PEYTON NO

>> Guac @pbj

peyton yes

>>> Scary lady @emjayy

Peyton No.

* * *

spider-lad @sssPIDER

alright, so with my leggy gone, @becrimedogays is taking over for me!!

> Puzzle @becrimedogays

y'all better watch out

* * *

hhng thor stronk @beans

spidey and puzzle having peak sibling energy is the best

> gotta go fast @sonic

yes

>> led needs @GITC

rt

* * *

Puzzle @becrimedogays

alright, so im patrolling right?? and i see this kid walking around. and keep in mind its like 10:23 at night.

so i come up to them and i was like 'where are your parents??'

and you know what the kid says 'pfft what parents'

SO THAT HAPPENED

> miles @iwouldwalk500

aaa sorry!! it just happened-

>> Puzzle @becrimedogays

im adopting you as my sibling and you cant stop me

> Wizard Dad @sorcsupreme

Puzzle no.

>> Puzzle @becrimedogays

papa D:

* * *

Spooky Uncle @jbb

i can and will commit murder

> Stinky Stove Man @SteveRogers

Bucky??

>> Spooky Uncle @jbb

alright so

i was moving peyton around bc they cant walk rn, right?

w e l l someone spotted us, came over and said,

'awe your son is so cute! besides, you can walk for him and he can hold things for you' 

so

>>> loki, but better @acryptid

where is the fucker

>>>> ssneaky sssnek @Low-Key

they will regret ever saying that

* * *

gotta go fast @sonic

its pretty sus that penis lost a leg

> Guac @pbj

its not?? a building fucking collapsed on my leg?? and you say that 'its p sus'??

>> loki, but better @acryptid

@sonic fight me in the wendys parking lot bitch

>>> led needs @GITC

rip

* * *

loki, but better @acryptid

father wont let me fight eugene >:(

> Iron Dad @TStark

p l e a s e stop trying to fight the fucker-

>> loki, but better @acryptid

f i n e

* * *

spider-lad @sssPIDER

for those of you asking 'where is ur leg'

w e l l

leggy went yeet bc stinky goblin man

> midtown reporter?? @bbrant

i saw the fight, it looked painful and scary

>> spider-lad @sssPIDER

it was!! but im okay!!

>>> Puzzle @becrimedogays

soft

* * *

Daily Bugle @jjj

Spider-Man: Who is he? Listen to the new podcast about this Spidery menace: [Link]

* * *

spider-lad @sssPIDER

i have a new ✨leg✨

> midtown reporter?? @bbrant

you have a new leg!!

>> Puzzle @becrimedogays

p l e a s e dont encourage them- they have already threatened to yeet their leg at clint

>>> gotta go fast @sonic

lmao w hat

> birb man @theimpostor

oh my f ucking go d they did the thing-

> Puzzle @becrimedogays

sPIDEY STOP

* * *

Guac @pbj

@acryptid i t i s t i m e

> loki, but better @acryptid

fuck yeah

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> leggy goes yeet
> 
> also, sorry for the double update, i was being the big dumb


	7. disaster gays 2: electric boogaloo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Guac @pbj  
> quill is a dumb bitch: a thread

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i live!! also school is a bitch and so is my cat

spider-lad @sssPIDER

im back bitches

> Puzzle @becrimedogays

if you throw your leg at people istfg 

>> mangone @fuku

w-what??

> Puzzle @becrimedogays

you havnt been on twitter the past month??

>> mangone @fuku

no??

* * *

miles: help

spider-lad: are you okay??

miles: im sticking to things and i tore my binder so no

spider-lad: holy shit miles stay there

miles: peyton??

* * *

spider-lad @sssPIDER

alright so

turns out

there is another spider person

> Puzzle @becrimedogays

is that why you left at fucking 3am??

>> Wizard Dad @sorcsupreme

when you get home we are having a talk young person

>>> spider-lad @sssPIDER

fine

* * *

Guac @pbj

quill is a dumb bitch: a thread

-one time they got stuck in their binder and looked like a caterpillar

-tripped on thin air and lied there for a good few seconds

-scared the shit out of themselves when they passed by a mirror

-was working on arm stabbies for Puzzle and said 'could these be used for diy top surgery??'

-tried to scare loki, succeeded and then was teleported to norway briefly

-ran into a door, panicked and then hid in the vents for the rest of the day

> loki, but better @acryptid

bitch i will stab you

>> hhng thor stronk @beans

holy shit

>>> amole @shur-E

quill is a mood

* * *

Puzzle @becrimedogays

@acryptid where the fresh fuck is my hoodie

> loki, but better @acryptid

bitch

>> Scary Lady @emjayy

both of you are ridiculous

* * *

Spooky Uncle @jbb

WHICH ONE OF YOU MOTHER FUCKERS INTRODUCED STEVE TO FOOT FETISHES

> loki, but better @acryptid

w h a t

>> abee baby @hehe-monkey

who??

>>> Spooky Uncle @jbb

i will give 500 dollars to the person who taught steve foot fetishes

>>>> ssneaky sssnek @Low-Key

pay up bitch

* * *

loki, but better @acryptid

PEYTON IS A DUMB BITCH

> Guac @pbj

SHUT YOUR FUCK

>> led needs @GITC

what did they do??

> loki, but better @acryptid

so we're all aware that pey is a dumb gay right?

w e l l

a jogger took off his shirt bc he mightve been overheating idk

and then said jogger looked really lost

so he came up to us and asked 'hey where is the bodega?'

and peyton s q u e a k e d and pointed in the general direction

>> Scary Lady @emjayy

peyton you dumbass

* * *

mangone @fuku

i was walking right?

and puzzle was sitting on a lamp post with arm stabbies right??

so i asked them 'why do you have arm blades?'

and they said 'to assassanate ross, or tr*mp who knows'

SO ANYWHO IM GAY FOR PUZZLE

> abee baby @hehe-monkey

s i m p

>>mangone @fuku

SHUT THE HELL YOUR MOUTH

>>> gotta go fast @sonic

why were they on the lamp post??

* * *

Puzzle @becrimedogays

FUCK

SOMEONE REALLY CUTE CAME UP TO ME AND ASKED 'WHY DO YOU HAVE ARM BLADES'

AND MY DUMBASS WENT 'TO ASSASSINATE ROSS, OR TR*UMP WHO KNOWS'

> spider-lad @sssPIDER

dumb bitch

>> Iron Dad @TStark

I will forever tease you about this

>>> Puzzle @becrimedogays

ill tell papa what you were doing before he asked you out

>>>> Iron Dad @TStark

DO NOT

> Wizard Dad @sorcsupreme

Anthony??

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oof another short chapter


	8. the debut of couch sniffer and whoops identity reveal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Birb man @theimposter  
> im in the vents and no one can find me help

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whoops my finger slipped
> 
> also TW for the T slur.

Birb man @theimposter

i was lying face down on the couch

and quill walked by me and said 'couch sniffer'

i aM NOT A COUCH SNIFFER

> loki, but better @acryptid

YOU ARE THO?? YOU WERE LYING FACE DOWN ON THE COUCH AND YOU I N H A L E D

>> Owner of the braincell @mmstabby

i was gone for a w e e k

>>> Owner of the braincell @mmstabby

But clint is now the couch sniffer

> Birb man @theimposter

NAT

* * *

Iron Dad @TStark

i just came back from my workshop and i see legolas and quill threatening to kill each other??

> Guac @pbj

clint is the couch sniffer

>> Iron Dad @TStark

w h a t

>>> Wizard Dad @sorcsupreme

just let things happen anthony

* * *

Puzzle @becrimedogays

so

spidey and i were on patrol right??

and clit joined us

so we were doing our thing

and a crime boss came out of fuckin nowhere

so we confronted him

crime boss looked at clint and said 'who are you??'

yOU KNOW WHAT HE SAID

> mangone @fuku

couch sniffer??

>> Puzzle @becrimedogays

he said couch sniffer

>>> spidey says trans rights @E

DISASTER MAN

>>>> Stoven Rags @SteveRogers

Language

> Puzzle @becrimedogays

lAnGuAgE

>> Birb man @theimposter

ah oof my dignity hurted

>>> spider-lad @sssPIDER

lmao what dignity

* * *

mm shiny @moonmoon

spidey just swung into a building lmaoo

> gotta go fast @sonic

awh! are they okay??

>> Puzzle @becrimedogays

simp

>>> gotta go fast @sonic

stfu you stupid tr*nny

>>>> spider-lad @sssPIDER  
you better shut your mouth before i shut it for you (:

* * *

Birb man @theimposter

im in the vents and no one can find me help

* * *

The couch sniffer @theimposter

im okay!

> loki, but better @acryptid

you better hide Barton

>> The couch sniffer @theimposter

fuck

* * *

The Daily Bugle @jjj

Spider-Man is Peter Parker, a senior at Midtown: [Link]

* * *

spider-lad @sssPIDER

:(

> Puzzle @becrimedogays

who is the mother fucker that told the daily shit hole who you are

* * *

gotta go fast @sonic

I CANNOT BELIEVE I REALLY BULLED SPIDER-MAN

> Scary Lady @emjayy

you better Run Eugene

>> midtown reporter?? @bbrant

MJ kills fellow senior Flash

* * *

led needs @GITC

@pbj how are you doing buddy?

> Guac @pbj

:(

>> led needs @GITC

fair enough

* * *

potato gun @tenisee

WHICH ONE OF Y'ALL EXPOSED SPIDEYS IDENTITY HUH??

> spider-lad @sssPIDER

sjkshdbf thanks harley

>> Puzzle @becrimedogays

if anyone does have information about the rat, please DM me or someone else

* * *

Iron Dad @TStark

If I catch anyone taking pictures of Spidey without their mask on, just know that they have Pepper Potts wrapped around their finger (:

* * *

spider-lad @sssPIDER

any time i go to address this i end up having a mental breakdown :'D

> Wizard Dad @sorcsupreme

Stay there I'm going to get you some DQ

* * *

Puzzle @becrimedogays

> spider-lad @sssPIDER
> 
> any time i go to address this i end up having a mental breakdown :'D

This wasnt a game for y'all to figure out. Spidey has people they are protecting. I am disgusted. Just know if you are the fucker that outed Spidey, I can and will find you and make your life hell.

> Scary Lady @emjayy

And I will be joining Puzzle because Spidey Doesn't Deserve This

>> Guac @pbj

p l e a s e don't commit murder

* * *

Guac @pbj

Ms. Potts is 100% going to kill me for this but. I'm Spider-Man. Thats it, thats the tweet.

> Wizard Dad @sorcsupreme

Pey, I'm proud of you

>> Guac @pbj

thanks papa!

* * *

DP @wiilsoon

this is actually just a very realistic dream

> spider-lad

Deadpool??

* * *

NOT PART OF THE CHAPTER

I have a [Tumblr!!](https://goblin-in-the-vents.tumblr.com/) come yell at me!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i swear i did not mean to add more angst-


	9. stoven rags has fatalistic gen z humour

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Guac @pbj  
> i cANT FUCKINF BREATH OH MY GOD

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi!! i live dw im not dead, my motivation is :'D

spider-lad @sssPIDER

its so weird swinging around ny when random people know my name-

> Puzzle @becrimedogays

***laughs in hidden***

>> spider-lad @sssPIDER

_where the fresh fuck are you_

>>> Puzzle @becrimedogays

:)

>>>> spider-lad @sssPIDER

S T OP 

* * *

Guac @pbj  
i cANT FUCKINF BREATH OH MY GOD

> loki, but better @acryptid

HOLY SHIT I CANT BELIVE HE DID THAT

>> mangone @fuku

???

>>> Guac @pbj

yall know how steve is v confused by gen z??

hE HAS THE SAME FATALISTIC HUMOUR-

>>>> this bitch is on fire @firebirb  
o h m y g o d

>>>>> loki, but better @acryptid

steve, after dropping his food: why wont god strike me down

peyton, me and loki: oh mood

* * *

amole @shur-E

@jbb come get yo mans

> Spooky Uncle @jbb

what?? did?? he do??

>> loki, but better @acryptid

he drank bleach trying prove that his metabolism would burn through it

>>> Spooky Uncle @jbb

god dammit not again

> Guac @pbj

not?? again??

>> stove rags @SteveRogers

I live. Unfortunately. 

>>> Spooky Uncle @jbb

STEVE N O

* * *

amole @shur-E

Sbeve is a dumbass

> mangone @fuku

what did he do??  
  


>> loki, but better @acryptid

this man just drank b l e a c h because he wanted to

* * *

spiderchild @spiderbonk

hi

* * *

this bitch is on fire @firebirb

@SteveRogers on behalf of gen z, fuck you

> stove rags @SteveRogers

I regret making those PSAs

>> Iron Dad @TStark

:)

> Wizard Dad @sorcsupreme

Anthony no.

>> Iron Dad @TStark

Anthony **yes**.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the short chapter, i had no idea what to write


	10. Update!!

this is going on a hiatus bc my mental health is absolute shit rn so don't expect a lot of updates


	11. shuri udaku? more like shuri uwud-

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Satan @becrimedogays  
> i will mcfucking lose it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ik i said i was going on hiatus, but thinkin g is literally pain rn so this is my escape

Bleach Man @SteveRogers

Happy Holidays! :)

> Braincell #1 @mmstabby

Halloween Is The Best Holiday Rogers

>> Puzzle @becrimedogays

fuck yeah!!

>>> spooder-man @sssPIDER

rt

* * *

Satan @becrimedogays

new name yall :)

> uwu @eoeoeoeoeoe

this is so fucking ominous??

>> thErEs A bEe? @bloop

whomst've

>>> Satan @becrimedogays

its because my bones break whenever I shift so some criminal accused me of being satan and I was like 'hell yeah im satan'

> thErEs A bEe @bloop

fair enough

* * *

spooder-man @sssPIDER

yo was my identity revealed or was that just a fever dream??

> Midtown reporter?? @bbrant

im?? no?? idk who u are

* * *

Iron Dad @TStark

I am tired of my gremlin children-

> Wizard Dad @sorcsupreme

Send them to terrify Rogers.

* * *

loki, but better @acryptid

shuri udaku? more like shuri uwudaku

> amole @shur-E

**I will sew your elbows to your lungs**

>> loki, but better @acryptid

kinky

>>> Guac @pbj

*softly* no

* * *

Guac @pbj

h e l p I set the lab on fire

> Guac @pbj

fuckfuckfuck wrong app

>> Iron Dad @TStark

You're grounded 

>>> Guac @pbj

hAh you cant bc your not my dad

>>>> Iron Dad @TStark

Wanna test that?

* * *

loki, but better @acryptid

update: pey got grounded and some shit happened

> mangone @fuku

are they okay??

>> loki, but better @acryptid

yeah lmao

* * *

Satan @becrimedogays

i will mcfucking lose it

> spooder-man @sssPIDER

im sorry that happened ):

>> Satan @becrimedogays

its not your fault 

> spooder-man @sssPIDER

it feels like it is my fault tho??

>> Satan @becrimedogays

its not your fault that we were both misgendered

> spooder-man @sssPIDER  
stay there im coming up with blankets and hot choco

* * *

the genderfluid gaggle

OG loki: quill you are valid and loved and if anyone says otherwise I am punching them.

spider-parker: ye what they said!!

spooky moth: s t o p making me cry blease-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i prolly wont be updating all that much bc some shit has happened in my personal life so-


	12. commit crimes and dismantle the police with me,, jkjk, unless 😳😳

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Guac @pbj  
> quill just fucking attacked a racist-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (:

Iron Dad @TStark

Introducing Loki to Peyton and Quill was a terrible idea

> this bitch is on fire @firebirb

how??

>> Iron Dad @TStark

They are so fucking chaotic.

* * *

Puzzle @acryptid

oh my god I just remembered what loki and I did the first time we met??

>mangone @fuku

explain?? please??

>> Puzzle @acryptid

aight so, yall know I can shape-shift right?? when I met loki, I had just realized I can change my appearance so they were like 'hey wanna do ✨mischief✨'

so we spent like a week learning about each other and out mannerisisms and then we changed our appearances to match the others

and no one suspected anything except nat maybe

and this went on for like two days

then we changed back to our regular appearances and no one suspected a thing

>>> Guac @pbj

oh mY GOD

>>>> ssneaky sssnek @Low-Key

One of the best pranks(?) I have ever done 

* * *

than I take the moon @tungstendioxidewhatsthis

okokok consider: the genderfluid gaggle

> Braincell #1 @mmstabby

oh No

>> ssneaky sssnek @Low-Key

hah jokes on you our gc is already named that

* * *

aarson

pey: quill just attacked a racist and now she's in jail-

fAtHeR: I'm proud of her!

scary wizard: Anthony do not encourage our children to commit crimes

fAtHeR: You commit crimes in other dimensions daily Steph

pey: waitwaitwait w h a t

garage child: Sksksksk Stephen Commits Crimes-

miles per hour: this house is a fucking nightmare

loki 2: rt

garage child: oh hey quill lmao

pey: you live!!

miles per hour: hello sibling!!

pey: in other words my leg just broke

fAtHeR: Shitshitshit

garage child: lAnGuAge

miles per hour: lAnGuAge

loki 2: lAnGuAge

* * *

spider-lad @sssPIDER

when your leg breaks midswing ahaha-

> scary lady @emjayy

goddammit

>> led needs @GITC

which leg??

> Satan @becrimedogays

xyr prosthetic leg

* * *

and then I take the moon @tungstendioxidewhatsthis

remember kids, be like satan and use the correct pronouns

> morales @iwouldwalk500miles

yeah!! and I've met zir!!

>> mangone @fuku

waitwaitwait satan uses neopronouns??

> spider-lad @sssPIDER

yes ze do

>> Satan @becrimedogays

yes I do

* * *

loki, but better @acryptid

being sick sucks ass

> loki, but better @acryptid

like p l e a s e let me breathe without hacking up my lungs every five minutes-

* * *

spider-lad @sssPIDER  
i normally don't get political but this is important:

Justice for Casey Goodson: [Link](https://metalheadsforblacklivesmatter.tumblr.com/post/636957971396608000/peach-fr0g-justice-for-casey-goodson-on-december)

Casey Goodson deserved better. He was 23 years old and shot in the back three times and murdered while getting inside his _house_.

> Satan @becrimedogays

[Here's the article](https://www.cnn.com/2020/12/08/us/ohio-police-shooting-casey-goodson/index.html)

* * *

spider-child @otherspidey

guys!! p l e a s e read the article!! 

> bruh @ohewarat

Casey Goodson was waving a gun around you uneducated rat.

>> spider-child @otherspidey

He wasn't though. He was wearing a face mask and holding his keys and a sandwich. Casey wasn't the object of a search, the police just saw a black man wearing a mask and holding something and they decided he was a _threat_.

>>> spider-child @otherspidey They fucking s h o t him while he was getting inside his house, and his 5-year-old brother and 72-year-old grandmother saw his _body_.

* * *

midtown reporter?? @bbrant

i was a blm protest once and this cop was about to shoot but t h e n, spidey came out of nowhere and fucking dropkicked the cop-

> spider-lad @sssPIDER

someone had to take out the trash :)

>> gotta go fast @sanic

bitch im fucking w h e e z i n g

* * *

Wizard Dad @sorcsupreme

@sssPIDER why am I finding out that you dropkicked a cop through Twitter?

> spider-lad @sssPIDER

:)

>> mangone @fuku

i- this is so ominous??


	13. the fuck? the fuck? the fuck is in the air? the fuck there's gay shit everywhere

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> loki, but better @acryptid  
> @pbj enemies to lovers speed run edition

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ah oof sorry for the possible spam posting, I couldn't fucking sleep and this idea started rattling around in my head around,, 1 am?? idk man

Couch Sniffer @hawkayee

god nerfed me because he knew that I would be too powerful

> tumble weed @vroom

elaborate??

>> Couch Sniffer @hawkayee

perhaps

* * *

Couch Sniffer @hawkayye

I'm deaf and trans and if one of yall bully me, my niblings will probably attack-

* * *

and then I take the moon @tungstendioxidewhatsthis

JSHSHSDB HAWKEYE IS TRANS AND DEAF AAA

> step the fuck up @kyle

ASMKDJKSFS IM FREAKINF TF OUT

>> soda whole @oopsicantcomeupwithaname

BITCH DONT ACT LIKE YOUR THE ONLY ONE WHOS FREAKING OUT

* * *

DMs:

_1:03 AM_

Flash: Hey, Peyton. hh this is hard to get out. I'm sorry I was such a dick to you over the years and the only reason was my father was a shitty person, so I took that out on you. I'm also really sorry for doubting you about the internship and called you Penis and purposely deadnamed you.

Peyton: It's okay?? I mean, at least for me, my sibling would probably attack you- I can sort of understand what's going on with the shitty parent/legal guardian, so if you need someone to rant to, then it im your person ig?? ~~wellikindalikeyoubutidkifyoudo~~

Flash: oh askdnsajd same

* * *

_Eat the rich :)_

dumb bitch: Q U I L L I KNOW YOU ARE AWAKE H E L P

dumber bitch: what did you do??

dumb bitch has sent a (screen shot)

dumber bitch: DUMB GAY

_dumber bitch has changed dumb bitches name to dumb gay_

dumb gay: fair enough

dumb gay: but h e l p blease

dumber bitch: w h y would you ask me about relationship shit?? yk i suck ass at dating 

dumber bitch: n e way im gonna terrify eugene and you cant stop me

* * *

loki, but better @acryptid

@pbj enemies to lovers speed run edition

> Guac @pbj

NO

>> loki, but better @acryptid

ENEMIES TO LOVERS SPEED RUN EDITION

>>> Guac @pbj

I R E F U S E TO ACCEPT IT

> amole @shur-E

what??

>> loki, but better @acryptid

lemme dm you the screenshots

>>> amole @shur-E

PEYTON DO NOT DENY THE AFFECTION

>>>> Guac @pbj

BETRAYED BY MY KIN

> hhng thor stronk @beans

w-what??

* * *

gotta go fast @sanic

ASHSDBHGFVLKLD I AM A D U M B A S S 

> midtown reporter?? @bbrant

we been knew but ok

* * *

scary lady @emjayy

@pbj Why were you late Peyton?

> Guac @pbj

shitshitshit

* * *

Wizard Dad @sorcsupreme

My family is chaotic and I'm joining in.

> morales @iwouldwalk500miles

fAtHeR?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aight so, n e ways this chapter sucks ass but im tired as hell rn ;-;.


	14. cold stabbies? cold stabbies.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Guac @pbj  
> i am SMALL and ANGRY and i will NOT hesitate to break you :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> iF I HAVE TO WRITE THIS ONE MORE GODDAMN TIME I WILL LOSE IT

Satan @becrimedogays

the only thing that scares me more than clowns is tony learning meme culture

> spider-lad @sssPIDER

same

>> and then I take the moon @tungstendioxidewhatsthis

YOU JINXED IT

> Satan @becrimedogays

SHITSHITSHITSHIT

>> spider-child @otherspidey

w h a t h a v e y o u d o n e

* * *

Wizard Dad @sorcsupreme

I remember when I was a kid, and took those icicles and started waving them around.

> k rat @potatogunTONY

bitch I ate them and pretended I was god

>> Guac @pbj

i was stabbed-

>>> loki, but better @acryptid

W H A T

> Guac @pbj

i still have the scar :)

>> morales @iwouldwalk500miles

PEYTON

* * *

this bitch is on fire @firebirb

FOr those of you that don't know, Tony fucking Stark can sing :)

> Guac @pbj

WHAT

>> this bitch is on fire @firebirb

[I swear this isn't a rickroll](https://youtu.be/1crxmBTxRlM)

> Guac @pbj

jkashhanfsd IM??

* * *

> Guac @pbj

@TStark FaThEr YOU CAN SING??

>> Iron Dad @TStark

Yes? Tbh I'm surprised you didn't find any albums.

>>> loki, but better @acryptid

WAIT W H A T

>>>> loki, but better @acryptid

HSBDA I AM LOSING MY MIND

* * *

welcome to hell (this has most of the acadec members except peyton and flash, and includes ned and quill)

midtown reporter: [ Two people, although, on closer inspection, it appears that they are Peyton and Flash. In the background, you can hear a girl's voice going 'Two bros, chillin' in a hot tub, five feet apart cause they're not ga- oh wait-' As the narrator says that, Flash pecks Peyton on their cheek.]

Scary Lady: About time.

abeee: ned you owe me 20 bucks

LED: fuck

porcupine quill: PEYTON JUST TEXTED ME LMAOO

_porcupine quill has sent a screenshot.jpeg_

lizard: this is pure gold tbh

lizard: also how do you feel about tonky stonk knowing how to sing

abee: I was already gay for tony stark this just makes me gayer

mm shiny: n e way,, wanna see something cool??

_mm shiny has sent a link[:)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27903709/chapters/68329675)_

abee: cindy wHAT THE FUCK

porcupine quill: I?? this makes me unreasonable angry

Scary Lady: I'm sending it to Peyton.

* * *

Guac @pbj

i am SMALL and ANGRY and i will NOT hesitate to break you :) @emjayy

> Scary Lady @emjayy

Do it coward

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope the second link gives you unreasonable amounts of anger :)


	15. *cries in pansexual*

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> loki, but better @acryptid  
> eivor could step on and I would thank them

DP @wiilsoon

ever consider that we're all just fictional characters that were made to entertain people?

> spider-lad @sssPIDER

stop snorting crack

>> DP @wiilsoon

no

> Satan @becrimedogays

If you don't I'm gonna snap your Spine Like A Whip.

>> DP @wiilsoon

oOoO sCaRy

* * *

Iron Dad @TStark

whats up fuckers

> morales @iwouldwalk500miles

@becrimedogays what have you d o n e

>> Satan @becrimedogays

im gonna toss myself into the sun brb

> k rat @potatogunTONY

I'm joing for the sole purpose of getting away from him

* * *

spidey says trans rights @E

TONY FUCKING STARK HAS LEARNE D HOW TO MEME THIS IS A BLESSED DAY

> led needs @GITC

NO

>> mm shiny @moonmoon

bitch w h a t

> spider-lad @sssPIDER

its puzzles fault

>> abee babeyy @hehe-monkey

why do es this not surprisrew meehf

> gotta go fast @sonic

Are you having a stroke??

>> abee babeyy @hehe-monkey

yeshdfurrt

>>> Scary Lady @emjayy

I'm taking you to the hospital Abe.

> gotta go fast @sonic

MJ owns the braincell most of the time

* * *

Wizard Dad @sorcsupreme

I want to turn into a rat and scare people

> Iron Dad @TStark

Reading your posts is like getting a kick in the face

>> led needs @GITC

Was that a brief spout of insanity or?

> Iron Dad @TStark

Nah I did it just to scare the shit out of my children

>> Satan @becrimedogays

i tossed myself into the sun for this???

* * *

loki, but better @acryptid

eivor could step on me and I would thank them

> midtown reporter?? @bbrant

eivor??

>> loki, but better @acryptid

>>> spider-lad @sssPIDER  
stop simping over fictional characters

>>>> loki, but better @acryptid

make me coward

> hhng thor stronk @beans

*panics in pan*

>> loki, but better @acryptid

i think you mean _pan_ ic

>>> hhng thor stronk @beans

how DARE you

> Guac @pbj

that was horrible pun i love it

* * *

Spooky Uncle @jbb

alright so, I was committing crimes with Puzzle and Deadpool comes out of fucking nowhere right?

well xe just fuckign. rips out his spin and he spots me and is like 'dont worry I've had worse'??

> Satan @becrimedogays

he had it coming

>> nib nob @komoobre

he had it coming

>>> Satan @becrimedogays

he had it coming

>>>> amole @shur-E

he only had himself to blame

> this bitch on fire @firebirb

im so?? confused???

>> then i take the moon @tungstendioxidewhatsthis

S P I N

* * *

whippersnapper @becrimedogays

i cant even complain-

> Braincell #2 @col.rhodes

I can hear you wheezing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i thought the whippersnapper thing was funny don't sue me


	16. Another update whoops

I'm gonna be editing most, if not all the chapters because I don't really like how they're turning out rn? If that makes sense-


	17. 👀👀

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> loki, but better @acryptid  
> HE HAS RISEN

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi im back on my bullshit
> 
> Also, TW: There is an unspecified ED after the asterisks *** so, if that triggers you, PLEASE be careful

couch sniffer @hawkayy

time to cause c h a o s

> Braincell #1 @mmstabby

goddammit

* * *

loki, but better @acryptid

HE HAS RISEN

[It's an opossum, presumably Churro. He is wearing a hat. Churro does not look pleased.]

> ??? @~arson~

BABEY

>> loki, but better @acryptid

update: churro has bitten me and escaped into the vents

> daddy I've been naughty @winkwonk

isn't churro puzzles???

>> loki, but better @acryptid

i stole him

> whippersnapper @becrimedogays

ah, that's where churro went

>> loki, but better @acryptid

shitshitshit

* * *

BLM | ACAB @bonuscat

So, who wants to commit arson?

_There is a video below the text._

[The video starts. Spidey and Puzzle are facing off against multiple muggers. They manage to win, but both of them are injured. Cop cars pull up. A cop steps out and shouts "Hands where I can see them!"

Puzzle and Spidey turn around with their hands up. Another cop steps out with handcuffs.

The shapeshifter says something, and that something ticks the cops off. Both heroes are slammed into a car. This time, you can hear what Puzzle is saying.

"Let us go bastards!"

The same cop hits Puzzle on the head. Spidey attempts to twist around, but they are restrained. One officer suggests something and their partner nods. Cop #1 reaches towards Spidey's mask, and Puzzle goes _feral_. You can see them trying to bite the cops, apparently forgetting that they can shapeshift.

Officer #2 reaches towards Puzzle and pulls down their mask. It's silent. In place of Puzzle, there stands a stocky teenager. They're blond with streaks of purple in what you can see of their hair.

The person holding the camera shouts, "Hey, fuck off!"

There're more people now. They stare in shock. And then Spidey breaks the cuffs, all thoughts forgotten. Running towards the person holding the camera, you can hear them whisper:

"Please blur his face if you can."

The video ends]

> gotta go fast @sonic

holy shit.

>> k rat @potatogunTONY

How DARE they.

* * *

(honestly, fuck the timeline)

_There's a link next to Jonah Jameson's tweet. You click on it_

Puzzle, New Yorks's menace, has gotten her face revealed. Many have speculated as to who, or what Puzzle and the Spider-Men are. After Spider-Mans first appearance in 2017, people all over the world have wondered who this web-slinging menace is.

In 2018, Puzzle appeared, 'helping' the citizens of New York. After today though, we know who Puzzle is.

Her name is Elizabeth Sobet, or 'Loki Quill.'

[There's a picture of Elizabeth. She looks the same as the person from the video. Her eyes are blue, and sparkling with mischief. Her hair is short and interspersed with streaks of purple. Elizabeth has a faded scar on her cheek, along with a silver necklace with, ironically, a Puzzle piece.]

> BLM | ACAB @bonuscat
> 
> So, who wants to commit arson?
> 
> _There is a video below the text._
> 
> [The video starts. Spidey and Puzzle are facing off against multiple muggers. They manage to win, but both of them are injured. Cop cars pull up. A cop steps out and shouts "Hands where I can see them!"
> 
> Puzzle and Spidey turn around with their hands up. Another cop steps out with handcuffs.
> 
> The shapeshifter says something, and that something ticks the cops off. Both heroes are slammed into a car. This time, you can hear what Puzzle is saying.
> 
> "Let us go bastards!"
> 
> The same cop hits Puzzle on the head. Spidey attempts to twist around, but they are restrained. One officer suggests something and their partner nods. Cop #1 reaches towards Spidey's mask, and Puzzle goes _feral_. You can see them trying to bite the cops, apparently forgetting that they can shapeshift.
> 
> Officer #2 reaches towards Puzzle and pulls down their mask. It's silent. In place of Puzzle, there stands a stocky teenager. They're blond with streaks of purple in what you can see of their hair.
> 
> The person holding the camera shouts, "Hey, fuck off!"
> 
> There're more people now. They stare in shock. And then Spidey breaks the cuffs, all thoughts forgotten. Running towards the person holding the camera, you can hear them whisper:
> 
> "Please blur his face if you can."
> 
> The video ends]

User @bonuscat on Twitter uploaded this video to Twitter at 3:04 PM on Tuesday.

* * *

PLEASE kindly fuck off and leave Puzzle alone @sssPIDER

not me vandalizing the daily bulge (:

> gotta go fast @sonic

ik this is a serious situation, but the daily B U L G E

>> PLEASE kindly fuck off and leave Puzzle alone @sssPIDER

WHOOPS

>>> Wizard Dad @sorcsupreme

There's spray-paint in the lab.

> PLEASE kindly fuck off and leave Puzzle alone @sssPIDER

t h a n k s

* * *

couch sniffer @hawkayy

You guys better hope I don't find those bastards.

> Iron Dad @TStark

Do it.

* * *

12% @pepperandsalt

I am APPALLED. You revealed who Puzzle is, and then you have the AUDACITY to say that Puzzle is a menace. I hope you have fun tangling with SI's lawyers.

> daddy I've been naughty @winkwonk

they have pissed off THE Pepper Potts oh my g od.

* * *

_Four hours earlier_

Quill stood next to Peyton and stared down at the police, their hands up. He snorted, tempted to book it. Dumbass police officer #2 steps out of the cruiser with two pairs of handcuffs.

Getting the worst idea he has ever had to date, Quill said,

"Kinky."

Peyton choked on air beside him and Quill nudged Peyton in the side.

They complied with the officers and were immediately slammed into the cruiser.

"Let us go bastards!"

"Why don't we see what's under those masks, hm?"

Quill went feral and started trying to bite them. Forgetting that he can shift. The other cop gets a glint in his eyes that Quill decided that wasn't good. He felt a hand pull down his mask. Quill stilled.

Silence.

Someone from behind him shouted, "Hey, fuck off!"

He heard cuffs snap, and Peyton running somewhere. And then he heard whispers and the faint clicks of phone cameras. Panicking, Quill shifted into a raven and flew off, in any direction. Surprisingly, he ended up at the tower.

Loki was on the balcony, reading.

Quill roughly landed on it and shifted back.

"Loki Quill?" Numbly, he remembered that Loki was the only one who could call him that and not get stabbed.

"Where is your mask?" That was the question that broke the dam.

Feeling like his lungs were closing in on themselves, he told Loki everything.

* * *

Quill stared at xyr phone, stuck on the article. _How did they find it?_

Xe stared at xyr name.

_Elizabeth Sobet._

How? That was the question that was spinning around in xyr head. Every doubt, every thought was replaced by a question. Someone knocked on xyr door. Xe jumped and went to open the door.

Its dad.

"How're you doing, kiddo?"

The question makes xem curl into xemself. And Quill stops.

The next few days are rough.

Quill grows quieter. He doesn't use his female pronouns, feeling dysphoric as fuck. He stops drawing, almost completely. Isolating himself. Quill barely came out of his room, and the few times he did, he kept hidden.

***

Quill slowly stopped eating, promising that they would eat later. But they never did. They promised themself that they would try to eat every day. But it never happened. Days turned into weeks.

They smiled and said they were fine. Until they weren't.

Quill had collapsed in their room and blearily heard FRIDAY alerting Dad and Papa. They dropped off into unconsciousness.

* * *

"How long?" Tony had asked.

"It appears that Quill has been starving themself for weeks now."

" _How long?_ " He grits out, shaking.

"Two weeks."

He froze. Tony knew what had caused this. And he didn't do anything about it, other than leaving Quill alone and assuming they were okay. He started. Stephen had wrapped a comforting arm around Tony's shoulders.

_Two_ weeks.

That is the thought that is circling through his head.

* * *

Quills recovery is long. Peyton is there to help xem, even when xe pushes them away. Quill starts to eat again. But there are days were xe can't eat without feeling nauseous, or thinking that xe can't eat because there are people that need it more.

* * *

honestly a mess @pUzZlE

whats up fuckers

> daddy I've been naughty @winkwonk

:000

>> Wizard Dad @sorcsupreme

Quill, get off of Twitter.

> honestly a mess @pUzZlE

no

>> ssneaky sssnek @Low-Key

quill, I swear to FUCKING me

* * *

Braincell #1 @mmstabby

meat skeleton

* * *

Guac @pbj

Frog

**30k People have Retweeted this**

* * *

Guac @pbj

bitches will really say frog and people would retweet it-

* * *

couch sniffer @hawkayy

time to cause more chaos

* * *

couch sniffer @hawkayy

chaos has been caused

> amole @shur-E

???

>> Braincell #1 @mmstabby

Barton, you better hope I don't find you (:

> couch sniffer @hawkayy

shitshitshitshit

>> mangone @fuku

what did he do??

> Guac @pbj

this mans put mistletoe everywhere. EVERYWHERE

>> Braincell #2 @Col.Rhodes

I- 

* * *

honestly a mess @pUzZle

w e l l @hawkayy congratulations you played urself

> couch sniffer @hawkayy

shut your FUCKING mouth.

>> spidey says trans rights @E

w-what did hawkeye do??

> honestly a mess @pUzZle

he ended up under one of his mistletoe and just fukcigng.stood there until bucky walked by lmaooo

>> hhng thor stronk @beans

behold everyone, a group of dumbasses

* * *

honestly a mess @pUzZlE

i regret drawing scales by hand but- dragons

> Stove Rags @Steve.Rogers

Oof, I feel you.

>> Morales @Iwouldwalk500miles

m o o d

>>> daddy I've been naughty @winkwonk

i can feel your pain through my screen

> mangone @fuku

i just noticed your name- NO

>> daddy I've been naughty @winkwonk

;)

* * *

honestly a mess @pUzZlE

Update: finished the drawing

(alright, since I have zero idea how to put drawings in this im just gonna- [Yeet](https://goblin-in-the-vents.tumblr.com/))

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> UwU
> 
> also, happy holidays!!


	18. merry christmas y'all :)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> k rat @potatogunTONY  
> happy crisis :D

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A R S O N F R O G

unlawful dumbass @haarryy

mm Christmas, the holiday where my family goes fucking f e r a l

> granger danger @concernedmomfriendnoises

HARRY

* * *

couch sniffer @hawkayy

its crisis time 

> honestly a mess @pUzZlE

clint???

* * *

Braincell #1 @mmstabby

one of the few times my family isn't pure chaos

[It's a photo of The Avengers + Co. looking surprisingly domestic. Quill is sitting on the back of the couch. Peyton is also sitting on the couch, but it's a little blurred since they started falling. Tony is sitting on Stephens's lap with a fond look on his face. Steve and Bucky are laughing at something and Sam is in the middle of rolling his eyes. Bruce is wearing an oversized sweater, looking comfy as hell. Thor looks at Bruce with hearts in his eyes. CLint is in the middle of flipping off Peyton.]

> Gauc @pbj

my head HURTS 

>> couch sniffer @hawkayy

ahaha loser

> Spooky Uncle @jbb

you ran into a door??

>> couch sniffer @hawkayy

i did NO such thing

>>> Iron Dad @TStark

We all saw that

* * *

k rat @potatogunTONY

happy crisis :D

* * *

Guac @pbj

:D

> amole @shur-E

:D

>> Guac @pbj

:D

>>> Guac @pbj

:D

>>>> amole @shur-E  
:D

* * *

and then I take the moon @tungstendioxidewhatsthis

so, im at the entrance of a SI gala, just watching just bc right??

A limo pulls up

Tony Stark steps out of the limo looking cool as hell

and Stephen fuckng Strange slides out of the limo wearing a d r e s s

> unlawful dumbass @haarryyy

WHAT IS HE WEARING I NEED TO KNOW

>> and then I take the moon @tungstendioxidewhatsthis

he's wearin a light blue dress w/ sparkles

>>> amole @shure-E

we stan 

* * *

*insert random news thing* @reporter

Stephen Strange spotted wearing a dress: [[Link](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DLzxrzFCyOs)]

* * *

wrong wong @whoops

@sorcsupreme S T R A N G E

> Wizard Dad @sorcsupreme

F U C K

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you guys enjoyed me being a dumbass


	19. fluff, like,,, pure fluff

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> pointy bitch: GUYS  
> pointy bitch: YALL

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> enjoy this fluffy chapter because then some shit is going to happen in the next few chapters

honestly a mess @pUzZlE

[Why we should Eat The Rich]

> Wizard Dad @sorcsupreme

Loki Quill you wrote an E S S A Y on we should eat the rich but you almost failed English?

>> honestly a mess @pUzZLe

l i s t e n capitalism is the cause of a lot of problems, and a lot of rich people *Jeff Bezos* exploits their workers.

>>> Guac @pbj

Yeh, especially when Jeff Bezos doesn't want any worker unions because then he would have to redistribute his money.

* * *

mangone @fuku

[ _Screen-shot of Quill and Peyton's tweets_ ]

THIS

> mary sue @leopured

but if you raise the minimum wage, prices will go up??

>> DP @wiillsoon

that is like. the entire point??

* * *

couch sniffer @hawkayy

quill and peyton were debating about capitalism and then peyton said 'fuck this im tossing myself into the vents'????

> daddy I've been naughty @winkwonk

im-

* * *

amole @shur-E

LIKE A GOOD NEIGHBOR TAPEWORM ECLAIR

> honestly a mess @pUzZlE

SHUT THE FUCK YOUR MOUTH

>> amole @shur-E

NO

>>> King T'Challa @T'Challa

Shuri, you are a princess. Behave like one - T'Challa

> amole @shur-E

ok boomer

>> Guac @pbj

i dont take orders from a furry

>>> spidey says trans rights @E

911 ive witnessed a murder

* * *

amole @shur-E

@pUzZlE @pbj im coming to the states bitches

> Guac @pbj

shuri!!

>> honestly a mess @pUzZlE

N I C E

>>> k rat @potatogunTONY

👀

> Guac @pbj

h a r l e y

* * *

_Tony > Nat_

Tony: Help

Nat: Tony I swear to f u c k i n g god.

Tony: Not like that-

_Tony has sent an image_

Nat: Ah.

Nat: Well I'm glad you can trust me.

* * *

_whats up idiots_

_Harley, Shuri, Peyton, and Quill_

g o d: have yall noticed how tony and wizard are dancing around each other??

wall-crawler: yes? 

pointy bitch: yeye

wakanda nonsense is this: idk man but im arriving around tommorow

g o d: fuck yeah

* * *

Tony waited nervously for Stephen to get out of the bathroom. The two bracelets hidden in his jacket felt like they weighed a million pounds. The sound of the toilet flushing pulled the man out of his thoughts.

He looked about as nervous as Tony felt. Stephen pulled out his sling ring and portalled both of them to Nepal. The men walked around, holding each other's hands. For a moment, Tony could forget that Stephen had been acting spacey the past few days. A portal opened up in front of the couple. Tony looked questioningly at Stephen, and the wizard had the gall to wink at him.

Looking around in wonder, he realized that this was the gazebo where he and Rhodey fought the hammer drones in. It had been cleaned up quite nicely and it was empty.

"Steph..?"

Looking back, Tony could see why Stephen chose this particular place. It was here Tony considered his career as Iron Man started.

Stephen discreetly drew a black box out of his pocket and took a deep breath.

"Anthony, I know I can be abrasive and arrogant." Stephen walked closer to Tony. "As long as you and I live, we'll always be us, no matter how many times we may die. I know the work we do can be dangerous, a-and I was debating on proposing earlier, but the ring took longer than expected. So I'm asking you, Anthony Edward Stark, will you marry me?"

Tony didn't even hesitate when he hugged Stephen and cried into his shoulder. 

"Yes, a thousand times wizard."

He then remembered the bracelets in his jacket and pulled back.

"..Tony..?"

The billionaire smiled crookedly at Stephen and pulled out the bracelets.

"I was planning on proposing to you first, Harry Potter, but it seems you have beaten me to it." Hands shaking slightly, he shook out his shoulders. "When I met you, I thought you were an asshole who only cared for himself. But, as you can see, I love you." Tony paused, feeling tears leak down his face. "So, do you want to get married to this mess?"

Stephen embraced Tony, murmuring comforting words to his fiance.

* * *

_Tony > Pepper_

Tony: !!

_Tony has sent WeGettingMarried!.jpg_

Pepper: Congratulations you absolute mess.

Tony: I love him oh my god

Tony: He's so soft but he hides beneath assholery

Tony: Holy shit I think I'm in love

Pepper: Go be with your fiance you nerd.

* * *

_whats up idiots_

_Harley, Shuri, Peyton, and Quill_

pointy bitch: GUYS 

pointy bitch: YALL

_pointy bitch has sent W H A T.jpg_

wall-crawler: OH MY GOD

g o d: oh ew emotions

wakanda nonsense is this: h a r l e y you cried in titanic-

g o d: shut the mouth your fuck

wall-crawler: They're!! Getting!! Married!!

wakanda nonsense is this: nasfhshg the abengers groupchat is freaking out

g o d: N I C E


	20. The Story of Tonight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY NEW YEAR!! This year has been... depressing, to say the least. I started writing this in October, and I am floored at the fact that y'all like this. I hope to any of you that read this instead of skipping straight to the writing, thank you for reading. Thank you to those of you leaving comments because they make my day infinitely better. Thank you to those of you who leave Kudos. What I'm trying to say is, I appreciate every single one of you. The next chapter is going to be the last one obviously, so :')
> 
> Happy New Year, and remember to breathe, take a walk if possible, and stay hydrated.
> 
> oh and there's going to be angst in the next book/fic thingy. so :)

11:47

Tony glanced at the clock and smiled to himself. This year was almost over. Fiddling with the ring on his left hand, he got up. Tony meandered to the elevator and pressed the button to direct him to where he lived with Stephen and the rest of his family. Glancing at his watch yet again, it read

11:48

_Still time._ He thought, a gentle smile gracing his features. The elevator dinged to let him know he had arrived, and he stepped through the door. For once the penthouse was silent. No sounds of Harley, Peyton, or Quill bickering. No Clint playing Mario Kart and then whining when he inevitably lost to Bruce.

They were on the roof, watching the sky and New York from up high. Climbing the stairs up to the roof, he glanced at his watch.

11:50

Reaching the roof door, he opened it. His team, his family (Despite the Civil War situation and the Sokovia Accords disagreement.) was finally together. A shaking hand wrapped around his waist and Tony jumped. Stephen.

Huffing, he let his head drop into his fiancee's shoulder.

11:54

They moved to join their makeshift family. None of them were related by the blood of course, but they do say "The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb."

He reflects on the past year.

11:58

He remembers the joy, sadness, and hope. He remembers finding love and repairing his family

11:59

From the tower, they can hear the New Yorkers counting down.

12:00

Fireworks explode in the sky. Turning his head, Tony kisses Stephen. They're partially hidden in the shadows. Stephen kisses back.

He smiles into the kiss, a spark of hope that turns into a flame. And for once in his life, he's happy. 

They head back into the tower, smiles on their faces and a lightness that only comes with the changing year. Steve and the others go back to their respective floors, and Tony goes to the kitchen.

His world is chaotic and beautiful, and he wouldn't have it any other way.

* * *

_This year has been harsh_

_With its claws digging into our hearts_

_Yet_

_We persevered_

_We came up with ways to entertain ourselves_

_Yes_

_Our god has been particularly cruel to us_

_But_

_What I think what's beautiful_

_Is the fact that we stand together_

_Is the fact that we show solidarity in danger_

_We're united by what beauty we can find_

_In this horrid world._

_We can stand together and say_

_"We survived"_

_No matter how far we may be_

_We're connected_

_Whether by blood, friendship, or something else_

_Our god can be merciful_

_They see us and know we tried_

_They see us and think 'Those lucky bastards.'_

_The universe may try and tear us down_

_But know this_

_You survived_

_You may have not done anything of note_

_But you survived_

_And I'm proud of you for that._

_Know that next year will be better_

_No matter how bad it may seem at first._

_I love you 3000._


	21. A reflection by Peyton Stark-Strange.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Life is odd, Peyton Stark-Strange thinks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAaa this is the last chapter!! I hope you guys enjoyed this as much as I did!!

_Peyton hollowly sits on the curb. She wasn't expecting it._

_"May, I'm gender-fluid."_

_"What? No, you aren't."_

_"I am!"_

_"Do NOT take that tone with me, young man!"_

_The night ended in May Parker kicking her out of the apartment and telling her "Do not come back until you figure out what's going on." She digs out her phone and hesitates. She calls Mr. Stark_

_He gets her and starts fighting with May over custody._

_He wins._

Life is odd, Peyton Stark-Strange thinks. She can recall how her biological parents hugged her one last time and then died. She remembers the argument with Ben before he died. Peyton can remember the sting of hurt and betrayal at her Aunt kicking her out. She sits on the 'A' on Avengers Tower, staring at the Skyline filled with lights. 

Peyton takes off her prosthetic and rubs at her thigh nub. Hard to believe that her fight with Green Goblin was a few months ago, yet it feels like a year. A moth lands besides Peyton and she chortles.

She could never tell when Quill was fucking with her. 

Letting the moth crawl onto her hand, she thinks.

It's odd how two years ago, she became Spidey. Two years ago she didn't have a wonderful family.

How she didn't have her siblings and the incessant bickering. And Loki.

Dad got engaged to Dr. Strange. She and her siblings have already hyphenated their names.

Life is Strange, Peyton thinks with amusement, a play on her last name. She fondly thinks about her family.

"Kid? You down here?"

"Yeah, Dad."

She clambers back to the roof, and shivers. Peyton forgot how cold it could get without her suit. Dad leads her back inside.

2020 wasn't a good year for Peyton, they drily think. But it was in some way. The spiderling joins Quill and Harley on the couch. Wanda is next to them.

The Avengers were family, and they wouldn't have it any other way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that wraps this up! Dw, there will be more. I was feeling sentimental for no reason, so I wrote this.

**Author's Note:**

> the reason this accidentally became a self insert fic is bc I want to exist in a different universe other than the hellhole that is 2020.


End file.
